Silence Wont Do It: Episode 4 - The Thundering Silence

What happens after someone speaks?

In this episode of In the ZOUD, we explore a different kind of silence - one that draws on conversations with women in senior leadership roles, 

We examine the silence that can follow after a contribution is made in senior leadership meetings and around Board tables. It's not about agreement or disagreement. It's about what silence may communicate when the conversation simply moves on.

Is this a uniquely female experience, or do men experience it too?

What impact does repeated exposure to this kind of silence have on confidence, participation and organisational culture?

Rather than offering easy answers, this episode invites leaders to notice what often goes unnoticed and to reflect on what silence may be teaching people about their place in the conversation.

Because perhaps the most important question isn't whether someone spoke... but what happened after they did.

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Until next time, keep leaning into the conversations that matter.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Welcome back to In the Zoud with me, Sylvia Stevenson. If you're joining me for the first time, this is a series where I'm exploring silence from different perspectives. In each episode, I'm taking a look at what silence might be communicating about culture, leadership, and even about ourselves. Now, in today's episode, I want to talk about a different kind of silence. It's something I first came across a few years ago and which I continued to encounter in my work as a cultural transformation consultant and EDI practitioner. What really caught my attention was where these stories were coming from. They were coming from women. Women in senior leadership. Now this wasn't just one woman describing a poor experience in a meeting. I've heard similar stories from many women working in different organizations and different sectors. But what surprised me most was that they weren't talking about their general experiences in meetings. They were describing their experiences of being in senior leadership team meetings or around the board table. In my conversation with these women, this is what I'm hearing. A woman contributes to the discussion by sharing an idea, offering a different perspective, or asking a question. When she finishes speaking, the room falls silent before the conversation simply moves on, almost as though nothing has been said. I've come to think of that moment as the thundering silence. The silence isn't necessarily the problem. It's what that silence may be communicating to the person who's just spoken. You see, even though nobody says anything, that silence can speak volumes. To be clear, this isn't about women needing validation. Senior leaders are used to being challenged. They're used to people disagreeing with them. What these women are describing is something different. It's the perceived absence of engagement.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

No curiosity, no questions, no challenge, just silence, and then the conversation moves on.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

And that made me wonder isn't inclusion and belonging about more than simply having a seat at the table? Isn't it also about believing that our contribution is worthy of the conversation? I found myself thinking about that moment quite a lot, because silence communicates something even when it isn't intended. If someone openly disagreed, that would be easier to understand. It's the silence afterwards that I've found myself reflecting on. And I've wondered what that feels like from the person's perspective. Does she begin replaying what she said? Does she question whether she explained herself enough? Does she start wondering whether the silence was about her contribution or even about her? I don't know the answer. But I know it's a conversation worth having because I've heard this experience too many times to dismiss it as coincidence. At the same time, I've also been asking myself another question. Is this really something that only happens to women? Or are women simply the ones talking about it? I haven't had the opportunity to speak to many men about this, but it'd be really interesting to have their perspective in terms of how they are experiencing team meetings, in particular senior team leaders or boardroom meetings. The more I've reflected on this, the less convinced I am that there's one simple explanation. It could be about gender, it could be about power dynamics, familiarity, something about the way the meeting is being facilitated, or perhaps it's a combination of several things happening at the same time. What I do know is that repeated experiences like this can influence how people participate in future conversations. You see, if someone begins to wonder whether their contribution is likely to disappear into the room, it's understandable that they may start speaking less often or editing themselves before they even finished their sentence. That's not just a loss for the individual, it's also a loss for the organization. When experienced people begin filtering what they contribute, organizations lose out. I simply think it's something we need to notice. So, the next time you're sitting in a meeting, especially a senior leadership meeting or around the board table, pay attention to what happens after someone has spoken. If the room suddenly goes quiet before moving on, don't be too quick to assume the silence has no meaning. Ask yourself whether it was really the idea that failed to connect or whether something else was happening in the room. Perhaps it's one we should all spend a little bit more time thinking about.